I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
