and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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