More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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