New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
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You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
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See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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