piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
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He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
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Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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