There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
