I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
