You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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