my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Houston, we have a blender
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
