The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
