Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
