New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
