so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My bed smells like the plague
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