people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
