I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
