Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
