Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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