I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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