he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I did not marry a roomba.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
