youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
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he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
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Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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