i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
