There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
