Already got asked if we're dating
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
