I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
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