At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
