I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
It's like God shit irony all over that family
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
