thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
