i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
