My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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