you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
my liver is dry heaving
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
