having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
