It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
