It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
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Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
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You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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