i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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