i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.