Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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