question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?