you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
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My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"