I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.