ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.