Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(386): View more from Florida

I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...

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(616): View more from Michigan

margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(617): View more from Massachusetts

wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....

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(847): View more from Illinois

better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say

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(214): View more from Texas

It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off

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(612): View more from Minnesota

last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers

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