You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
