Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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