you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
