Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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