I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
