You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
