im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
