I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
