well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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