i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
