i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
