Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?