i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often