Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
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the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
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I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?