Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
