I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
