Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
