My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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