we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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