you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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