I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
