He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
