Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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