I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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