yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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