Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
