I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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