we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
