i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
