He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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